So I did something bold today… I told someone about this blog!
Well, in all honesty, it wasn’t just ‘someone’. I was always going to tell my friend, Mrs Mone about this blog, I just hadn’t planned on telling her this early. But as things happened, I did and it went down like this…
Having not seen each other since before christmas, I arranged to catch up Mrs Mone for lunch. We spent the first half an hour or so getting up to speed about what had been happening in our worlds since we last saw each other before she made a comment about how tired I looked (if there’s one thing you can rely on Mrs Mone for, it’s straight up honesty). So after explaining how I’d been catching up with my sister in law until past midnight the night before, I fessed up to the fact that I had stayed up until nearly 3am writing. Mrs Mone was happily surprised. And then in a split second decision I thought to myself, ah bugger it, I’m going to tell her.
So I did! Mrs Mone is one of the very small handful of people who know about my writing aspirations and she’s been a staunch supporter and motivator, encouraging me to take the risk and do something with it. So I excitedly began to tell her about the challenge I had set myself this year and how I’d recognised in myself that for me to get back into writing creatively, that I needed to make myself accountable to someone, even if it were to strangers out in blogland. I spoke of how I had so much going on up in my head that I felt that I needed to just get some of it down on paper and to commit to doing it regularly. And then I began to articulate how this blog had been in the works for the past six months and that it is actually serving a dual purpose other than simply being an outlet where I can write. That it was designed to be a vault of memories and stories so that my girls would know who I am should something ever happen to me.
Actually, pause for a minute. Let’s just say I made an attempt to tell her that. In reality, I think I got as far as trying to explain why I chose the name of this blog before the tears welled up. Since the birth of Miss A, I find myself getting quite emotional when even considering the idea that I’m may not be around to see them grow and that they might find themselves in a similar situation to me – wishing they knew more about who their Mum was as a person, not just as ‘their Mum’. Because Mrs Mone has had first hand experience at my tendency to be quite emotionally challenged, she just gave me a nod and a smile and said “I understand”.
Yup, I have a friend who just gets it! Who gets me! And there aren’t too many people out there who do. My lack of emotional availability doesn’t allow me to show that side of myself often and only a handful of my friends have seen any kind of vulnerability in me. Mrs Mone has seen me at my most vulnerable over the past six years. And whilst she’s not one for the limelight or espousing unnecessary advice, she has been there, in support of both me and my little family, as we’ve experienced some of the biggest hurdles and celebrations that life has thrown our way. So whilst letting people see the emotional and vulnerable side of me is not something that I’ve done particularly well in the past, Mrs Mone has actually shown me that if you’re human then emotions are part of the package and letting people in so they can support you during those times is also part of the journey.
I often wonder had we not met, just how differently things might have turned out. I truly believe that she’s made that much of an impact to my life. Just like I believe that things happen for a reason in life. And when it manages to throw up the most unlikely pairing of people to create a once in a lifetime friendship you have to sit back and wonder if there was a higher power at play the day Mr Mone backed into my car!
Do you have a Mrs Mone in your life that is the result of an unlikely friendship? Ever go to lunch with a friend with the intention of not saying something and then spilling your guts the second the opportunity presents itself?