I did not get up early.
I did not achieve what I wanted to today.
I did not pass go or collect $200.
Instead, I wandered aimlessly around the house wondering what my girls were doing on their first day in full time childcare.
And I beat myself up over my inaction until lunch time. Before I shook off the doldrums and enjoyed a lunch date with some of my mumma friends (and this amazing quiche that I made last night, which ironically is the reason for this post today).
By the time I arrived home several hours later, I’d given myself a much needed mental slap, revelling in the realisation that I didn’t need to get it right straight away (after all, that’s why I’ve given myself a month to get prepared for returning to work!). And after a pick me up coffee, I jumped back on the wagon.
I can’t recall a time where I’ve actually acknowledged this pattern of behaviour at the actual time of doing it. I think we’ve already established that I’m an all or nothing kinda gal. But despite being aware of this about myself, I’ve never developed the skills to adjust when, true to form, I deviate from the path and ultimately throw the towel in because I haven’t done it ‘right’.
If I am honest, I actually saw the writing on the wall last night when I went to bed at 11.45pm instead of at 10pm like I’d planned. Things went awry when I accepted a last minute dinner invitation last night. I justified accepting by telling myself that I needed to drop some stuff over there anyway and that their son and Miss B could play and hopefully drain some of Miss B’s energy so bed time would be less eventful (which it was so I get a point for that one. Tonight on the other hand is another story). I knew that with school going back today it wouldn’t be a late night for their son and sure enough we were home by 8pm which was fine. I got the girls ready for bed. Then at 9.30pm I remembered that I hadn’t made the quiche I was going to make for lunch today and dinner tonight. I had planned to commence my systematic approach to figuring out some meals that can be either made the night before, slow cooked or prepared quickly when I get home from work.
Long story short, I grappled with coming up with something else for lunch or making the quiche and as you can see above the quiche won out. I could have quite easily stopped somewhere and grabbed something, but of course I had to go showing off and bringing something home made didn’t I! And so a late night it was.
I set the alarm for 6am instead of 5am, justifying in my head that I was going for a walk with a girlfriend the next morning so I didn’t need to get up to do a stint on the treadmill, especially after a late night. I recall around 4am waking up and thinking what an awesome deep sleep I was having so I reset my alarm for 7am. Uh oh! I got out of bed at 7.15am, got the girls ready for childcare (dropping them off half an hour later than planned) and was just about to head off to the park to meet my friend when she text to say she’d slept in so wouldn’t be walking. So what did I do? You went for a walk I hear you cry!!!
Nope, I went to Kmart. From there I came home, intent on tidying the house and got sidetracked by the Super Bowl and before I knew it, it was lunch time.
Yes, I smell procrastination in the air too!!
This is what it looked like:
Sums it up perfectly! Drawn by Crystal over at The Qwiet Muse, this picture featured in her recent post about procrastination. Since reading that post last week, I keep coming back to this picture and marvelling how she’s managed to convey the intent of the stick figures in each of those frames. So clever!
So, yes, I procrastinated today and I took it on the chin and resolved to make a change from my usual reaction – Regroup! Maybe it’s all that talk about mindfulness, that’s caused me to notice this time around, but whatever it is I got back to it and finished cleaning the house. And despite the one and a half battle of the wills I’m currently engaged in whilst getting Miss B to bed, I’ve ticked off most of the tasks I need complete before I hit the sack at 10PM!
Which gives me an hour to get it done… and maybe a cup of tea and a tim tam too!
Have you ever caught yourself in the midst of a bad pattern of behaviour? Ever seen such an awesome looking quiche lorraine?
2 thoughts on “False starts and forgiveness”
Oh, but how I can relate! “I did not pass go or collect $200.00.” yep. There is always so many *insteads*!
That quiche looks quite yummy . . . I may get around to making one myself . . . eventually, of course.
Too many insteads! lol. The quiche was amazing (if I do say so myself… but I’m always very proud of myself when something works given my crappy abilities in the kitchen!). It was an all butter pastry, full cream version and it was delish! Here’s the link to the recipe if you get around to it! http://www.aliveandcooking.com.au/index.php/recipe/quiche_lorraine
Uh oh, what have I done? I’ve now given you another ‘instead’. Instead of doing the laundry I can picture you making quiche!