What would you do in life if you weren’t scared? If fear didn’t hold you back?
I wouldn’t say that I’ve lived a fearful life. Like anybody, I have been through my fair share of ups and downs. Through phases where thought I was invincible and times where I know I didn’t push myself outside of my comfort zone enough. On the whole though, I have taken what life has thrown at me head on and done my best with little thought given to fear. But now, the older I get, the more I have noticed fear creeping into my thoughts on a more regular basis.
I’m not sure if it’s just an age thing or if it’s the obligatory deep thinking that comes in the first few years of starting a family. Perhaps it’s the intake and overload of information from a world that seems to be hell bent on creating the perfect facade in almost every aspect of our lives, or more exhaustingly, trying to juggle all the balls required to rise to meet that challenge.
Whatever it is, I reckon it’s EXHAUSTING! For me, I liken it to a little mouse running on his wheel flat in my brain, trying to chase down all the thoughts, plans, ideas and dreams that are floating around in there. I am forever lamenting the fact that my brain doesn’t have a print button to capture it all.
Between grocery lists, household chores, remembering the shop where I saw that fabulous cushion, reminders to pay bills/make appointments/get something from somewhere, projects on my maternity leave to do list like sorting through a trillion photos, documenting the history of trinkets and sentimental items I own, researching a million ideas and filing them away for ‘the right time’, writing letters to my girls, writing full stop.
A list of all things that I never seem to get done, or at least done in any kind of organised fashion. Because let’s face it, with a two and a half year old and a 6 month old, my capacity to even remember anything after I have thought of it or find uninterrupted time to focus on a project these days is completely shot!
So here I am, six months into my second maternity leave with things I want to achieve and a million thoughts whirling through my brain. And I know the time is now! I have all the time in the world to start these projects and tick off some of the things I want to get done before I return to work so I know that I should be cracking down and getting shit done. But somehow I can’t seem to coordinate my thoughts well enough to get stuck into any of them! And the one I really want to get stuck into is writing. Because you know, dreams and all that.
But I’m scared. Afraid. Fearful.
Wow, I actually wrote that down… at some level over the past six months, I’ve finally admitted that my procrastination (and trust me on this, I am a Master procrastinator) is actually based in fear. Which means what exactly I hear you ask? Well, trusty old Google has a ton of info about fear but I got stuck on the quote by Franklin D Roosevelt – ‘the only thing to fear is fear itself’. According to FDR, fear is the nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. Coupled with a PhD in procrastination, that makes for the perfect mix of self sabotage if I ever saw it.
As with most fears though, I know mine is irrational and without any evidence, based solely on the perceived judgment, ridicule or mocking that most likely won’t eventuate. But it’s there and for me, it’s blocking my way.
So look out 2015 because I’m coming at ya and am going to tackle my fears! After all, facing fear head on seems to be the one consistent antidote. You only have to read the bios of great entrepreneurs; business owners and interesting people to understand that the majority of them were shit scared at the start too… but did it anyway.
So here’s to a fearless 2015 and living a life more deliberately. Of chasing down dreams and being proactive in the face of fear. To tackling the things that may well be overwhelming, challenging, downright difficult or have the potential to create vulnerability. It starts today with this clean slate and fresh day! A small step to commit to a post, everyday, here on this blog, for a whole year which could ultimately change everything.
Are you chasing down any dreams or facing your fears this year?