Looking for a sign

I’m stuck.

I’m so busy with life at the moment that I feel like I am going no where fast.

I feel relieved just getting that off my chest!

I had huge plans for this year.  Living more fearlessly.  Achieving goals that I had planned.  And yet hear we are, a quarter of the way into the year and I’m feeling stagnant and immobile and unsure how to move forward.

It’s been a big six weeks since I returned to work, and we’ve been coping pretty well as far as transitioning from stay-at-home-mum to a working mum again goes.  But there have been a lot of changes at work since I returned and a quite a bit of pressure to get some things done with very limited resources. And it’s taking all of my time not to mention head space.

And so many aspects of my life are suffering for it. My writing is suffering for it.

This blog is suffering for it.  Not because I ever had grand plans to become a big blogger, but more so, the intent of this space was to exercise my writing muscle.  And I’m not.  I certainly don’t consider writing about my boring mummy life like a journal inspiring or pushing me in my writing endeavours.  There’s no challenge in that and at times, when I’m done with the dinner, bath, bed routine and have tidied up (not as much as I’d like) and then spent a few hours catching up on some work, I remember that I still have this commitment to honour.  And with limited energy and inspiration to draw upon, the crap that I post is about as good as it gets.

And that’s not what I want.  There’s no value in it for me or the few readers that tune into this page from time to time.  I want to have the time to craft and think about what I’m writing.  Even since I started, I haven’t really had a lot of time to dedicate and this work situation has made time even more scarce.  I do have two kids after all, so time is rare at the best of times, but there were some opportunities to think and writing and refine my thoughts like some of the earlier posts I have written herehereherehereherehere and here.

So it seems appropriate at my 100th post that I’m sitting here wondering what to do? Where to go? How to move forward?  Do I continue and honour this commitment that I made to post everyday for a year?  Do I stop and just give up?  I don’t want to give up.  But I’m not sure how to make the time to step it up.  I get the theory and all the things I should do, but making it happen in real life is not easy.

So I’m throwing it out into the universe and see if I get an answer…

How do you balance life and your aspirations? Is it possible to fit it all in?


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