Feeling all the feelings


Yep, this shit is getting real!  All day I’ve been oscillating between excitement and sadness as I count down the days in this last week.  I’ve been doing a little bit of policy writing over the past three weeks which has been motivating and exciting (well, as much as policy writing can ever be exciting).  But my point is I’m mentally ready and looking forward to going back to work.

But then I look around at all the things I haven’t done, of the meals I haven’t prepared for this week, of the mess in the playroom (no, not the 50 shades variety!) and the list of things I need to get ready for the morning routine to kick in and I get a bit sad.  If I can’t get my shit together when I’m at home, how on earth am I going to make this work when I go back?????

Soon I’ll be moulding my girls to a routine that will take a little getting used to.  I’m likely to be disorganised and tired and they’re likely to be grumpy and tired and I know it’s going to be a rough week as we try to get back into the rhythm of working life again. And for a little moment I question whether or not I’m doing the right thing.

Three weeks ago I was feeling exactly the same thing and whilst I know that I’ll sort it all out and make it work, I also know that I never felt this uncertain going back after having Miss B.  Back then I was ready and raring to go and whilst I know that I’m mentally ready to go back now, I just get the feeling that I’m really going to miss my girls this time around.  So I’m expecting this week to be a bit of a roller coaster of emotions and for someone who doesn’t do feelings, that’s going to be tough.

How do you deal with conflicting emotions? Do you have any tips for me to get back into the swing of things next week?






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